Credit: Soompi

It seems like lately, Kpop has been hit by Yankee fever- and I mean that in the worst way possible. Why the sudden need to expand into America??? Yes, the $$$ may be tempting, but really, seriously, can anyone name one famous Asian pop singer in America? For that matter, can anyone name any Asian singer in America? Just so you don’t have to, I googled ‘famous Asian singers america’ and managed to discover that Vanessa Hudgens of HSM and nude photo fame, is half Filipino and “there’s a Korean guy in Linkin Park.” Um, ok… even putting aside the fact that both of them were born in the US and speak perfect English, what exactly does Korea see in the US market that makes singers and their record companies think they have any shot at succeeding here?

Yes, I know nothing about the music industry but through a quick google, I found that last year’s highest selling US album was Josh Groban’s Noel at 4 million copies while Korea’s bestselling album was SG Wannabe’s “The Sentimental Chord” at 190,998 copies. Just for show, Japan’s highest selling album was Mr. Children’s Home at 1.18 million copies sold and Taiwan’s highest selling album was Jolin Tsai’s Agent J at (I’m guessing) 200,000+. Ok, so it’s pretty obvious, at least on paper, what the attraction is with the US market. I mean, JoGro’s album probably sold more copies in it’s first week then Korea’s highest selling album in a year. Even Japan, the biggest market in Asia, is no match to the consumerism of America. In fact, even if someone simultaneously conquered all the Asian markets at once, it still probably could’t top American sales.

All that being said, I just don’t think it’s a smart investment because, yeah the rewards can be great, but the competition here in the music industry is just insane. Of course I don’t think I’m smarter then Mr. SM or Mr. Whoever is Rain’s boss; I’m sure they’ve done their homework, but judging by what I’ve seen so far, it seriously doesn’t seem like any Kpopper can achieve even moderate, much less great success anytime soon here. Either way, here’s how I see it breakin’ down for the few confirmed/rumored Hallyu Stars venturing into our great country…

Rain Aside from Colbert and Speed Racer, what is he doing exactly??? I heard rumors he’s working on a K album right now.. Does that mean he’s giving up the um… Hollywood dream? emphasis on the word dream Number one problem, ENGLISH! Seriously, unless you are Latino or British, accents are frowned upon; unintelligible sound diarrhea is kinda not ok either, it’s just how it is. Second, even if Bi’s English suddenly became better the Shakespeare, he’s still gonna get cast as the ninja/frat buddy/first to die in a horror movie Asian guy sidekick, trufax ’bout America people : /

Se7en He already left for America by the time I got into Kpop, but from what little I’ve seen from him, it makes me sad that his talent will go to waste on people who couldn’t give a shit. At least, his English is in complete sentences…

Wondergirls So there are all these rumors swirling about them learning English… then Perez gave them like two seconds and it was like a hugh deal… Um, WHEN YOUR BIGGEST PRESS IS FROM SOMEONE WHO DRAWS COCANE DRIBBLES FROM PEOPLE’S NOSES, IT IS NOT A GOOD THING!!! Seriously, at best, Wondergirls can hope to become a less famous, less slutty, Asian version of the Pussycat Dolls, which doesn’t exactly scream success. Seriously, I like the Wondergirls, and they are a phenomenon in Korea. Really, is it worth it to give all that up for America, where your biggest fans will probably be creepy, old, soon-to-make-an-appearance-on-”To Catch a Predator” fanboys????

DBSK Ok, there aren’t really rumor they are debuting in America, more like fangirl fantasies, plus they’ve flatout said they won’t be coming to the US market. THANK YOU KPOP GODS!!! Seriously, think about what they would go through if they really tried to break into the US Market. Boybands are over, so at best they could call themselves an acapella group or something, but why would anyone here, who isn’t already a fan of theirs, listen to five Korean boys sing in terrible English??? (I know, you’ve heard Hug international version so don’t even try) Personally, I like the ghay, and the dancing and the lulz outfits and the catchy songs, but that stuff ain’t gonna fly in America. Stay in Asia DBSK!!! Although I’ve always kinda wondered what kind of lulz it would bring, if say, SJ suddenly decided to debut in America, hip thrusts on MTV??? Oh my…

BoA Best of Asia isn’t gonna be Better in America, but I really wanna be proved wrong on this one. Honestly, if anyone can do it, it’s gotta be her. SM wasn’t wrong about Japan or China, so let’s hope he know’s what hes doing. Female, solo pop divas are still kinda accepted here, so at least she fits that mold. I mean, I don’t think she’s gonna be the next Britney or anything, but it would be nice if she could at least get some recognition. If I hear her song on the radio just once, I’d be satisfied.

Overall, there are two major problems (aside from the engrish) with K artists trying to break into the US Market. First, Kpop um, borrows heavily from US stuff already, so would anyone really be interested in listening to hip-hop, pop, or r&b that sounds exactly like the stuff they already hear, only with an Asian accent? Second, and sadly this is the big one, no matter what, the music industry as a whole is still very much xenophobic and I really don’t see that changing soon. Despite everything I’ve said, I still wish all of them the best of luck, and seriously, I would much rather be proven wrong then right..